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Sunday, September 9, 2012

What is Home Really?...

I think a lot of people think of 'home' as a particular place. Maybe for some that's true. For me, home is with the people I love and care about. As long as they're there; that's home.

I have just moved into a cottage near the ocean until next June. It's furnished, almost complete with kitchen-ware. So while I am bringing in my personal things along with a few small furniture pieces, I'll be borrowing someone else's housewares for the next 9-10 months and I'll call this home.

I haven't been online blogging in a while since I had a 'series of unfortunate events' occur that included my phone breaking and thus my internet went along with my communication.
postpartum psychosis, natachia barlow ramsey, baby,
Shey and Lanah right after she gave birth 
This summer has taken almost all of my resources and drained them. I am just beginning to feel a resurgence of energy reserves slowly starting to build. I think the quiet of the Village (yes I said Village. This IS Maine and this is the second time in 8 years I have rented a cottage near the water in a Village. The last time being in Liberty, Maine on Lake St. George, one of my favorite places to be) will be just what I need. Mostly I want the people I love and care about to visit and to spend time with them over this Fall and Winter.
We are still currently working on a plan to bring my grand-daughter (Lanah) home and my hope is that by the holidays she is here full time. We are her family and we are her home. Sometimes I don't feel as though I can talk about her too much because it causes me such heartache. I am so grateful that she is currently still with a family that is taking such good care of her. She'll be 5 months old this month. When I don't see her for a couple days and then I walk into the room where she is, the first

thing she does is give me the biggest, gummiest, giggle smile. I know I love her but in those moments when she reaches for my face and smiles or talks to me in her little girl voice I am so filled with love for her my heart feels like it's swelling out of my chest. She is beautiful.
I also have a second role. I am Shey's mother. She is trying to learn how to be a mother and what's that like but she has such a difficult time learning. I also want her to know I am there for her always. I get frustrated with her and sometimes I wish she would learn things faster. But I always want her to know she has a place with me. That I am home; for her and Lanah.


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