Reminding myself this isn't exactly Thailand
I have times when I want to do something almost to prove to myself I am alive. Like jumping off a bridge into the ocean. I know it's not actually necessary, but on occasion I have that urge. It's probably similar to the urge I describe below about screaming Fuck You and wanting to Punch People in the Face. Those last two don't sound very ladylike...
Some days I just want to scream
Fuck You to the world. There are days when I want to
punch people in the face. There are times when I have wondered if this is my reincarnated life as punishment of a past life and I was something truly awful.
 |
Pouring in Chapel Hill Waiting for Lanah |
I don't have those moments very often. But on occasion when it feels like everything is just bearing it's weight down on me. I am perhaps just one kind voice away from shedding a bucket full of tears (cue the tears now as I type). I have those thoughts.
I have times when I think I just want to go and find some peace and solace. Other times when I just want the company of the unknown stranger who knows nothing about me and to find comfort in their arms. I know it's short lived. So, I have basically sworn off real dating for now. I'm actually supposed to have a date (I have signed up for those dating websites, all the free ones anyway). I usually get as far as a few email responses and I'll either stop communicating or never follow through with the date.
The idea of introducing someone to my past is exhausting. [
Oh that date is supposed to be on this Friday]
It's difficult finding that happy medium of someone that knows about your
history and doesn't want to date you
Because of it and someone who doesn't know anything about your history and then you end up having to tell them about it. Let me just say there are not dating sites out there that specialize in this.
Oh, the punching people in the face thing? I'm not advocating violence in any way. I was speaking