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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

My Psychosis Song

maternal mental health, postpartum psychosis, maternal mental health symbol, natachia barlow ramsey, postpartum depression, suicide


My  Psychosis  Song


Psychosis seized my mind, grabbed my very soul, shook my
very essence and violently took hold.
Overcome with thoughts that twisted in my head,
left me torn apart, and wishing I were dead.
Searching for the answers while my thinking was deranged,
left us all with scars and everlasting change.
Thrust into a place where everything surreal. I was completely
turned around, yet it all seemed so-oh real.

Pregnant now I wasn't, but the joy just wasn't there;
 replaced by emptiness and permanent despair.
Akin to automation, every, single, day. You lose touch 
with your sanity, you slowly slip away.
Reality is yours, it’s right in front of you. What’s black
is black to you, there is nothing they can do.
Truth is how you see it, through your own distorted eyes;
you know the only way, is to finally say goodbye.
Urgency abounds, now that the answers clear, love still
fills your heart, there is nothing left to fear.
Motherhood is sacred, it’s only you that understands. The rest
can go to hell, the rest can all be damned.
Psychosis seized my mind, grabbed my very soul, shook my
very essence and violently took hold.
Still I thought I knew, what black was really black. Slowly
began the process, of finding my way back.
Yearning for the void, to be filled within my soul. Yet knowing
that I’d live and never ‘gain be whole.
Crying every night, for years and years on end, asking for
forgiveness, just looking for a friend.
Harshest on yourself, yet there’s always some close by, to judge
you for your shame, while you close your eyes and cry.
Overcome with thoughts, that had twisted in my head. Had
left me torn apart and wishing I were dead.
Slowly opened eyes again as everything got lighter. The thoughts
were all less foggy, the colors all were brighter.
I started seeing things, the way I used to see. What once looked
like the color black, was now bright white to me.

Searching for the answers, while my thinking was deranged,
left us all with scars and everlasting change.




Maternal Mental Health Symbol, Postpartum Psychosis, Natachia Barlow Ramsey, Suicide, Depression, Maternal Mental Health, Psychosis



~Be Loud, Be Purposeful, Be Strong, Be Courageous, Be Creative, Be Something~



Originally Published October 29th, 2014 3:39pm EST

Friday, October 3, 2014

This Postpartum Life; the Scars of Psychosis

What do you see when you look at me?

Maternal Mental Health Symbol, Natachia Barlow Ramsey, Postpartum Psychosis


You look at me and you see a woman with scars on her wrists from a failed attempt at the taking of her life.
Damn her, there's no understanding. We drive our children into the water. You don't get that the ocean is a sea of despair. 
We are broken and we look around, waiting, begging, dying inside. We look for the arms to wrap around us and bring us to our feet.
No more tears, we have wept a lifetime of sorrows for motherhood. The aches, the breaks and the tragedies to come. Help us, feel our pain.
Do not take out babies, our souls from us. We are not deserving of punishment. We are your mothers. We gave you all life, give us ours.
We need your love, understanding, kindness. Do not judge us. A mothers love is unconditional. Yet you slice us open for public display at being broken.
So fix ours wings and help us to fly again. Do not put us in a dark empty box to wither and die. We have been fixing your pains with love since time.
We are your mothers, we are your mothers, we are your mothers. Do not throw us away.
The Ocean we drive into is a Sea of Desperation. Hold out your arms lift us up, hang on tight and guide us to the light. 
Do not judge, we are your Mothers, we are your Mothers, Do not throw us away. Kiss away our sorrows and help us heal the way we have yours'. 
Whisper those tears rolling, streaming, screaming down our cheeks; dripping from our chin onto our breast, let them be gone. 
What do you see when you look at me? A Mother who had fallen? Who stood back up? 
What do you see?

I see me...





~Be Loud, Be Purposeful, Be Strong, Be Courageous, Be Creative, Be Something~