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Tuesday, December 1, 2015

I'm Your Huckleberry

I'll Be Your Huckleberry

I'm just the right woman for the job! I didn't necessarily want the job; and it's not exactly the job I would've imagined I would have had when I was a child, but I will do it nonetheless. Why am I the right woman for the job? Well, because no one else wants to do it.

Here's my observations on what happens in this - POST LIFE (Nikki Love is attempting to tell a version via her movie) I am writing about as it happens to me and feel the real time effects. 
Natachia barlow ramsey, postpartum psychosis, postlife movie, depression, suicide, death, nikki love

Let me explain (this is the part where I'm your huckleberry comes into play perfectly) - people ignore you as you stand before them as a real live person. Or at least in cyber time. It makes them uncomfortable. As long as you continue with the act of suicide and make sure you actually die; you will be lovingly remembered and it will be romanticized. Your family and friends will be invited to speak at public events to raise awareness. Your story will be shared whenever one of them posts something about you, and on any kind of anniversary, there will be a remembrance. 
You will become a stepping stone. Your back will become a platform for which others stand on to tell their own stories, and promote their own causes. 
That's not to say their causes are bad or not worthy of being promoted. On the contrary, most of them are fundamental in women's healthcare. I mean ALL Postpartum Mood Disorders are important and need to be discussed. 

But and this is such a big, enormous but, we also need to be talking to and having women like myself be the ones actually doing the talking. Share my posts, share my stories, get on board. I don't ever want to hear "I don't know what to say" again. Because if that is your response to me when I make myself readily available, then you have absolutely no business ever talking about Postpartum Psychosis and what those worst case outcomes are. 
Because it is on the back's of those worst case outcomes that you get links to your sites. You get readers aghast, but still reading, and coming back for more. Those worst case outcomes are what make the papers, and drive people to provide more funding. It's sad but true. 

This is about all of us. We are all in this together. Oh sure, I get upset because I will be going on 17 years since I became ill and not having a clue what was happening to me. Now going onto four years blogging and I still hear the same thing. 
Yes, progress is slow and I have seen it myself. But if we, we the women at the forefront who are doing the pushing. The women who are standing up and demanding to be seen. Shouting out loud, you will hear us. We Need to be together, we need to stand together. We cannot be Un-united. We Have to support each other, in all our endeavors. 

This is not about each one of us individually. This is about all the women who are here now, who will come after us, our daughters, our granddaughters, sisters, all women.  

Every time you share a post, you like a link, you comment, and you pass along information even if it does not benefit you in the moment, you are paying it forward. You are helping more women, more families, more moms. 
Isn't that what you would have wanted someone, anyone to have done for you? I know I would have. That's what I think about every single day when I get frustrated. When I get so irritated because I am not allowed into some of the inner circles and many of my posts don't get "shared" by some of the "hipper" Postpartum circles. 
I remind myself that, they are the people who are not paying it forward. I will continue to do my part. I will continue on my journey. 
I will continue to be your Huckleberry.

Natachia Barlow Ramsey; Postpartum Psychosis Survivor and Loser

~Be Loud, Be Purposeful, Be Strong, Be Courageous, Be Creative, Be Something~


  1. There is so much I want to write, but I'm struggling today and so this will be relatively brief. Please forgive typos too! :0 When I read your post last night, I was absolutely amazed by your eloquent and spot-on your observations. Your words helped me.

    This part you wrote (that I copied below) particularly resonated with me, because since 2007 I've often gotten totally ignored by the postpartum/bipolar communities. My bipolar peripartum onset/postpartum bipolar PMAD has been minimized by some of the "hip" and not-so-hip postpartum and bipolar communities to the point of where I wanted to scream. Sometimes I did scream.

    Childbirth-triggered bipolar is a perinatal mood & anxiety disorder, but many of these so-called experts didn't usually agree with me. Oftentimes I wanted to go off about how I felt (and I have a few times) and sadly, I was paid attention to the most when it was clear I was furious. It shouldn't be that way!

    "You are helping more women, more families, more moms. Isn't that what you would have wanted someone, anyone to have done for you? I know I would have. That's what I think about every single day when I get frustrated. When I get so irritated because I am not allowed into some of the inner circles and many of my posts don't get "shared" by some of the "hipper" Postpartum circles. "

    Thank you so much for writing this post!!!!!

    1. Dyane,

      I understand exactly how you feel. I have written about it many times on here and it feels as though I have to continue to write about it. I know that I myself get so very frustrated and I give myself time outs and remind myself that even when I am not allowed to play with the other "cooler" moms, I am still on a mission.
      I will continue to pay it forward. I will continue writing one blog post at a time whether it reaches a few hundred or a few thousand. Because when I do get the emails telling me or a response like yours, I feel so very lucky.

      That goes without saying that some days, I do not feel so blessed. I feel like utter crap and there are people and organizations within this community that can make you feel very small and insignificant. It doesn't do a soul good to feel that way when you give with everything you have, and I do that.

      But, I want all women to know we are ALL warrior Moms no matter the circumstances and no matter how much we can give personally. I want all of us to be and come together as a community. Because no matter what PPMD brought us here, we are in this together now and I hope everyone remembers that.

      So much love and good thoughts back to you and yours Dyane,